Everybody is sad at one point or another. And most of them have a right to be. I can recognize that. But for some reason I can't recognize my own right to be sad. I in no way have had a bad life. I've actually had a really good life and I've been lucky in more ways than one. But I've also had my fair share of sadness. When I get sad though, I scold myself saying that I don't have a right to be sad about them. There are two specific ones that from them have come my first insecurities. They are when my Biological Dad died and Hairdo basically told me to frick off. From those to experiences came the fear that everyone I love is going to leave me and the fear that nobody actually likes me. Those to fears eat away at me. Day and night. They are ALWAYS there. From those more and more insecurities started popping up to the point where now I'm convinced that the only thing I bring to the world is pain and sadness. I'm convinced that no one wants anything to do with me. And yet I still don't think I'm allowed to feel that. I get so, so mad at myself. Because I feel like others have it worse and yet they're still happy. So why am I not? And the answer is I don't know. I don't understand. I've been given the world, the tools I need to do ANYTHING I WANT, and yet I wallow in self-pity. And it makes me mad, so very angry, and I just DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT! So I just go on hating myself.
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Wow. I have no idea where THAT came from. Ahem. But on Tuesday of last week I was in my FIRST PLAY! So that was fun. And on May 9th I'm going to be in a "class play" where everyone in my class is going to be in it so that's going to be fun. And then.....yeah that's pretty much it! Bye guys!
Bye Sincerely
Dani Jones
OH MY GOSH DANI THAT WAS A LOT. Some things:
ReplyDelete1. Dad dyeing definitely a reason you can be sad
2. You bring so much happiness into this world you don't even realize it
3. Allowing yourself to feel things is almost always a good idea. If your mad at someone but you won't let yourself feel mad you won't ever get over that anger. Same thing with sadness. Sometimes you just need to be sad. There doesn't even have to be a reason. You just are.
4. Good luck in the play thing!
Haha yeah I don't know why I wrote that much.
ReplyDelete1.I know... It's just hard to accept
2.I don't know how much happiness I actually bring, but thanks
3.You're probably right, I should let myself feel things, it's just kinda hard, you know?
4.The play thing went GREAT and I was FABULOUS in it if I do say so myself ;)
-Dani Jones