Theater

 Hey guys! So this post titled theater can be about one of two things. One-Why I love theater. Two=A recent play that I was in. And lucky for you guys, it's BOTH! So um, yeah. Btw there is going to be some... sad content in the second part of this post. So if you only read the first night that's fine.
 SO first things first! I was in a play on Saturday of last week. It was a play that I had wrote with the help of three adults and a couple of kids (It was at my theater camp btw). It was fabulous other than the fact that I fell on stage. But it was fine, it looked scripted. My character's name was Katherine Blanc and since it was like a "talent show" theme I was basically american, girl, Simon Cowell. Which. in case you didn't know, Derpy Dog LOVES Simon Cowell so she very much enjoyed seeing me act like him. All in all, despite the fact that I almost had a panic attack backstage, it was REALLY fun.
 SECOND POINT! So, you guys probably know that I, like, LOVE theater. I was in my school's play last year and then got into an advanced theater class. What you might not know is WHY I love acting, because I don't think I've ever talked about it here. A lot of the reason I haven't talked about on here is because I don't really like to talk about my anxiety or EXTREMELY low self-esteem to much because I don't want anyone to think that I'm fishing for compliment or anything. In fact, most compliments make me uncomfortable. BUT ANYWAY, one of the main reasons I love theater is because I get to BE someone else. That's whats so great about it, when I go onstage I'm not ME anymore, I'm someone else, with their own backstory, own personality. I'm just not ME which I love because I so BADLY want to be someone else and acting is the closest I can get. Also, when I'm someone else, whatever I do, it's scripted. I know what comes next. And I know that even if my character does something bad, it's still going to further the plot. And I KNOW that because I can SEE the script. I know what happens.
 So that's it! I'm not sure if any of you can relate, but if you can than please tell me. I could use someone that I can talk to about this kind of stuff. And of course, if you want more posts like this one-I'm not sure why you would given the fact that it talks about my problems-than tell me and I will make more!

Bye Sincerely

Dani Jones

Panic Attack

 Heyo guys, so I have something to talk about today. And it's kinda really serious but I mostly just need to get it all out of me. So today I had a panic attack at school. It was my second panic attack. Ever. And it was BY FAR worse than the other one I've had. So now I'm going to tell you what happened.
 So in first period ELA at the end of class we did a thing where if you got a 100 on an assignment you got to this weird plastic bowling thing. And I got a 100 along with 3 other kids. Long story short the first time I bowled I got a strike but the second time I didn't get anything. And EVERY PERSON in class was watching and EVERY PERSON in the class was cheering for me to win and when I didn't I felt like I let everyone down and that there was a lot of pressure. So because of that adrenaline rush I started shaking. And we went to second period. But the more I thought about the more anxious I got and I don't know WHAT triggered it but I started hyperventilating. And because of that I couldn't breathe and because of that I got light-headed and tunnel vision and my hands went numb from lack of circulation. And I was just sitting there shaking and the first person to notice that SOMETHING was wrong was LOL. And he was like "Oh my gosh, Dani are you ok?" And I said I was but it just kept getting worse and worse to the point where I LEGITIMATELY thought I was going to die because I COULDN'T BREATHE! And the teacher was just going on with her regular things not noticing that I was LITERALLY SHAKING. Here's the funny part, she actually looked at me, told me to move to a different table for a test, and then continued talking. Eventually LOL just went up to the teacher and said "I think Dani's having an anxiety attack" and the teacher looked at me and said "Why didn't anyone tell me? Danielle go to the nurse!" so I walked out of the classroom and down the hall. But I was going extremely slow because I was shaking. Eventually one of the coach's found me and told me to concentrate on my breathing and he walked me to the nurse's office. When I got there I was like "Um so I'm shaking and I can't breath" but I was like stuttering. And she was like "Well you're kinda hyperventilating so why don't you come lay down." So I layed on one of those beds that they have in doctor's offices and the nurse told me to close my eyes and try to slow down my breathing. So I did and after about 20 minutes I could breath again and even though I was still a bit shaky I went back down to class. And since my next class was pre-athletics I got a signed note to get out of it.
 So that's the story of how I had a really bad panic attack at school. I also went home early because I couldn't recover. So yeah...

Bye Sincerely

Danielle Jones

Sadness

 Everybody is sad at one point or another. And most of them have a right to be. I can recognize that. But for some reason I can't recognize my own right to be sad. I in no way have had a bad life. I've actually had a really good life and I've been lucky in more ways than one. But I've also had my fair share of sadness. When I get sad though, I scold myself saying that I don't have a right to be sad about them. There are two specific ones that from them have come my first insecurities. They are when my Biological Dad died and Hairdo basically told me to frick off. From those to experiences came the fear that everyone I love is going to leave me and the fear that nobody actually likes me. Those to fears eat away at me. Day and night. They are ALWAYS there. From those more and more insecurities started popping up to the point where now I'm convinced that the only thing I bring to the world is pain and sadness. I'm convinced that no one wants anything to do with me. And yet I still don't think I'm allowed to feel that. I get so, so mad at myself. Because I feel like others have it worse and yet they're still happy. So why am I not? And the answer is I don't know. I don't understand. I've been given the world, the tools I need to do ANYTHING I WANT, and yet I wallow in self-pity. And it makes me mad, so very angry, and I just DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT! So I just go on hating myself.

***

 Wow. I have no idea where THAT came from. Ahem. But on Tuesday of last week I was in my FIRST PLAY! So that was fun. And on May 9th I'm going to be in a "class play" where everyone in my class is going to be in it so that's going to be fun. And then.....yeah that's pretty much it! Bye guys!

Bye Sincerely 

Dani Jones

*Insert Pterodactyl Screech of Sadness Here*

 So... How do I write this post? I just... ugh. Ok. So something that kind of really hurt me happened. Not on PURPOSE or anything just... *sigh* I guess I should just get into this. But just a disclaimer this is like a story of from Friday to now so... It's gonna be a while. Please, before you start reading this, make yourself comfortable, Get something to drink, something to eat. You ready? Alright.
 Ok so you guys know how I really like Cookie, right? Like, I like him so much it's borderline creepy? Yeah, ok. So on Friday I hear him and his best friend talking. And I decided to listen. Now I KNOW you're probably thinking like "Dani, why would you do that? That's so rude!" but HEAR ME OUT! They were standing right by my table. HOW WAS I NOT GOING TO LISTEN?! Anyway so I'm listening and they start talking about this girl named Kendall. Now, she's actually really nice...ish. I mean, she's never been RUDE but she's never gone out of her way to be nice. She's actually one of Dancer's really close dance friend. So I'm like ok... why are they talking about her? And then Cookie's best friend start's smashing Cookie's name-his ACTUAL name-and Kendall's. And it takes my brain just a minute to process what just happened and that it's a SHIP NAME. And I'm just kind of sitting there like... in shock. Tomato and I had already finished the project that the people were working on and she was sitting at a different table so I call her over. She asked what was up and I just kind of whispered "I think he likes someone else." and you could just see the realization crash into her. She started saying "No! No! How do you know?" with like her hands covering her mouth. So I said "I heard him and ------- talking about it. (------- is his best friend) And she goes "Do you know who it is?" and so I say "One of the Kendalls" Because there are 3, one of them is actually a guy. And so she goes "He's gay. He must be. That's the only possible explanation for why he wouldn't like you." And I just kinda shake my head. Then Bomb.com calls me over to her table. She says "I have to tell you something that's going to make you sad." So I ask "Is it that Cooper likes someone else?" and she just nods. I walk back to the table me and Tomato were sitting at and go "Bomb.com just confirmed it." (I didn't call her Bomb.com I called her her actual name.) And Tomato goes "No! No! Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" And then we had to watch a video in the class we were in (Social Studies, and it was about Mt. Everest because why not? \_(o_o)_/) And the whole time we watched it I bit my lip to keep from crying, I actually bit it so hard I tasted blood. So then the bell rang and I went to my next class (G.T. thankfully. That's where all my friends are and we didn't actually do anything). And I just BROKE DOWN. I started bawling and all my friends couldn't understand why. I eventually told them and yeah...
 So then over the weekend it wasn't quite so bad. I just didn't think about it.
 Then we went back to school on Monday and as soon as I saw him something inside me just kind of... broke. I didn't cry I just felt sad. And then angry. And I guess jealous. Because I found something else out yesterday. Now Cookie and Kendall are "dating." You know that type of middle school dating where nothing is happening it just means that they're taken. Yeah, that's what's happening with them. And I just... well let's put it this way... I was planning a murder at lunch. You know I've actually noticed that people have become used to my death threats and I really don't know if that's good or bad. Anyway, so that happened and I actually did cry once that day. Kendall is in my pre-athletics class and we sit so close together that I can hear what she's talking about even if I'm not trying to, and I heard her and two of her friends (who are also friend... type things of mine) talking about my crush and I just... couldn't handle it I guess. Oh, another thing that happened was when I pointed out Kendall to Tomato she goes "HER? But she's so ugly! You're a BIG step us from HER!" And I just was kinda like "...what?" Because Kendall IS pretty and I'm... not.
 So that brings us to today. Today something changed. I still like Cookie, I'm still sad that they're dating. But I decided that even though she was better then me at most everything, I was still as good as her. So I went to school and I was having a fairly good day. Then Dancer betrayed me... Not really! She would never betray me. But she did bring Kendall to our table and I really, really wanted to just strangle her (which her? You'll never know. Honestly I think it was both). Then, I have this app on my phone that creates ship names for different people, and me and my friends were all having a jolly old time (what is my old-timey language rn?). Then one of Dancer's friends see what we're doing and ask me to do it for Kendall and Cookie and... well I did it. So that's something. BUT THEN GUYS GUESS WHAT!? Ok so we did the pacer today, and Kendall had already gone, and I asked what she got and she got 41. So I was like "Oh shooooooooot! There's no way I can beat that!" BUT I DID! OUT OF SPITE FOR KENDALL I ENDED UP GETTING 43! 43! THAT'S 20 MORE THAN I USUALLY GET! LIKE KUDOS TO ME! Anyway...
 I think the reason that this hurt's so bad was because I haven't liked anybody this much since Hairdo, and we all remember how that turned out. (If you don't click here and it'll take you to the post). And I thought that Cookie might actually like me because ALL my friends were telling me that he did and it was SO obvious. And I just... guys he's as weird as me. Do you know how RARE that is? He instructed me on how to GOUGE SOMEONES EYES OUT!! We also have the same taste in books! He's also sarcastic and smart and adorable and perfect and... dating someone else. I just ugh. But I'll get over it... or some horrible accident might befall Kendall.

Bye Sincerely

Dani Jones

Happy New Year!! + Family Drama

 Hey guys! So who's ready for 2018? Not me! You wanna know why? I'm going to mess up SO MANY TIMES and put 2017 on my papers instead of 2018. Like ugh! But other then that I'm actually fairly happy going out of 2017.
 Soooo I think I might actually have good luck this year! Why do I say that? Well my family has this tradition where everyone has to eat at least one if this specific kind of bean. I dunno why, but it's supposed to bring you good luck.
 With that lovely intro, here comes the real body to this blog post, family drama. You have it, everyone has family drama, but I swear, y'all don't have family drama like my family does. Our family is like a volcano, we'll go one or two holidays without any drama and then we'll explode and there'll be drama... USUALLY. But for a year, including ALL the holiday's drama has been at an all time low, until today. Today all heck broke loose, and I was in the middle of it all. I'm sure you're wondering what the heck happened, well I'll tell you.
So I've some small problems with Badger in the past, but this was awful today. So I was sitting in T.O.P.'s room talking with her and her friend that was over, Meeble was in the bathroom and could hear everything, you know, the usual. My new phone (that I got for Christmas and, sadly, I already cracked) in my hand and my (new also Christmas bought and expensive) Gryffindor sweater. So Badger walks in and starts talking- COMPLETELY interrupting me- and then stops. She looks at me and says I don't think you should be in here. I thought she was joking and kind of scoffed. But she looked at me dead serious and said Get out. Now, come on, you know me, was I walking out with out a fight? Usually yes, I would, but I was not going to let this cousin boss me out of a room that WASN'T EVEN HERS! So I said, You'll have to drag me out to get me out. So she picks me up around the middle and starts dragging me out. All was fine and good until she grabs the sleeve of my sweater and starts pulling it. She freaking stretched it out, not very much because I started yelling at her to stop. I had dropped my phone (brand new, mind you) and so she picks it up, throws it across the hall into Meeble's room (because the doors are facing each other) and tells me to simply Fetch. Like she's some FREAKING HIGHER CLASS CITIZEN AND I'M JUST A DOG THAT SHE CAN ORDER AROUND. I asked her if I got it was she just going to slam the door and she did a little shrug that just TOLD me yes. So I didn't, by this time T.O.P. had taken notice and was like, here, I'll go get your phone Dani. But by that time I was so fed up that I just left. I went into Meeble's room with Meeble and we just talked for a while. Then Badger came into Meeble's room to get her phone and I wasn't going to say anything but Meeble was like You know Badger you kinda hurt Dani's feelings. APPARENTLY she said sorry but not loud enough for me to hear and I thought she just was like whatever, and so I started listing off why that hurt my feelings. Badger just kinda stomped off and slammed the door. I didn't really care and wasn't going to say anything, but when Meeble got called to her mom I guess she saw a chance to tell and she did. My aunt made me go tell my mom so I did. And literally EVERYBODY was paying attention because my mom had been the center of attention (she had been playing with my 6 month baby cousin) and so I said what had happened and they called Badger up and she STRAIGHT UP LIED TO ALL THEIR FACES. I mean, it was pretty much the same except in her version she had thrown my phone and said Maybe you should get that.
You know... I wish her mom was there, but of course her mom wasn't and Badger was going home with Grammy and Pop. Anyway, my Mom was like Well how would you feel if that happened to you, you know, the standard kid-in-trouble talk. Except it was slightly funny because Badger is 12 and as tall as my Mom, but Badger still looked scared. Anyway, then Badger was released and everything went back to normal.
Or so we thought. When Grammy and Pop were about to leave Badger went around giving everyone hugs, except me and Meeble. We didn't think much of it because... well a) Meeble doesn't like physical affection and b) we just got her in trouble. Then they left and I learned this later Grammy apparently had a conversation with Badger and said that she wasn't going to tell Badger's mom, but if Badger decided too she'd better tell the truth. So Badger goes back home and lies. Her newest version said that Badger, T.O.P. and her friend were talking and I came in and said I didn't understand, Badger then said Perhaps I was to young to understand (Gurl I am the same age as you shut up you're only 7 months older!). She never pulled me sweater, she never threw my phone. And then my Mom verbally attacked Badger.  Yeah well that was ALL  a lie. Literally ALL of it.  So then my Mom gets a text from Badger's mom that said a few bad words, and that said that sure my mom could hate my aunt but not to take out on her daughter blah blah blah. Now my Mom and Badger's Mom had had some disagreements in the past, and my Mom wasn't as close to them, but she still loved them and she sure as heck didn't HATE them. Then Grammy decided to be a savage and say to Badger's mom I'm calling you and if you don't pick up I'm driving over there. The next few hours were a blur of text messages that went something like this.

• Badger's Mom to my Mom: Cuss cuss. You can hate me but don't take it out on my kid. Cuss cuss. Dani's not innocent! She's not a perfect angel!
• Grammy to Badger's Mom: I'm calling you right now and you better answer or else I'm coming over there.
• Badger to my Mom: You're side of the family never does anything for us (side note from Dani-We literally do EVERYTHING for them) and I'm not sorry that you and your daughter get butt-hurt over the dumbest things. You also never invite me to anything.
• Grammy is on the phone with Badger's mom
• Meeble's Mom to Badger: What happened? I'm a bit confused. Tell my your side of the story.
• Badger to Meeble's Mom: I love you but this doesn't concern you. (side note from Dani- Can I just say, rude! Also when you see anything in parenthesis it's my side note)
• Meeble's mom to Badger: It happened at my house, it does concern me.  
• Badger to Meeble's mom: Everything is always fine until Dani comes along. She just ruins everything. Well, everything you INVITE me to.
• Meeble's Mom to Badger: What does she do? Give me examples.
• Badger to Meeble's Mom: It's not what she does it's how she acts! If they're talking about the family I'll make a comment and she'll look at me like I don't deserve to make a comment. (That has NEVER happened. And if it ever did it obviously didn't affect anyone but her because I DIDN'T and WOULDN'T look at her like that. Also, ouch. ☹)
• My Mom to Badger: I love you and will pray for you but if you're wondering why I don't invite you to things in the future this is why. I'm done with this conversation.
• Grammy gets off the phone with Badgers mom.
• Grammy to my Mom: I want to take Badger and Dani out to IHOP (I love IHOP) to talk this out.
• My Mom to Grammy: I'll let her if the parents can come too. I have no urge to fix this relationship until I get an apology, Dani gets an apology and Badger tells the truth.
• Grammy to my Mom: No parents are coming, I just want to fix things between them because I think that the four girls, Badger T.O.P. Meeble and Dani would be a good support group for each other going into high school. (Grammy chill I'm only in 6th grade.)
• Mom to Grammy: No. I don't think that keeping Badger in Dani's life will be a positive effect on Dani. Sure it will on Badger but not Dani, and that's who I need to think of first.

So yeah. What a great way to start off the new year! Causing a rift in my family! I'm such a great kid! I honestly feel really bad about it, but at least I won't be verbally hurt by her again. Wish my luck on the rest of 2018, I really hope that the bean worked.

Bye Sincerely

Middle School, Epilepsy, Hurricanes, and Lime Flavored Sparkling Water (Life Updates)

[Title inspired by Izzy/Mason at Bluffyface!]

  Hai guys, weird title huh? You're probably wondering how ALL that can be in ONE post. Well it can because I'm amazing! Anyway I'll go through them one by one!

  Middle School. Ok so. Someone help. I start middle school tomorrow. Am I ready? NOPE! Am I going anyway? YUP! I'm, like EXTREMELY scared! I already know what I'm going to wear, and I'll post a post about all of my classes and whatever. But you know, I go through stages of I'm scared as freak and I think I'll be ok. And I mean LOGICALLY I know I'll be ok, and everybody goes through middle school, but then emotionally I'm like, I'm not READY to be in middle school. I'm still a freaking third grader at heart. But, you know, I guess this 11 year old that's really a third grader is going to  have to go to 6th grade.

  Epilepsy. So a really close friend of  mine has epilepsy. Even with the anonymous-ness of the nicknames I still don't know if I'm allowed to say who. You want to know how we figured it out? Well we went out to play in the rain, and we were swinging. And it looked like she was trying to stand up and get out of the swing and she fell and started shaking. I thought she was playing for a minute and then she didn't stop. I yelled for my mom and she told me to run home and get her phone (we were at the community park). So I ran home and got her phone all the while crying (cause I mean, I didn't know if she would be ok). So I got back to the park and gave my mom her phone, by that time my close friend was awake. I sat on the bench with Speed Boy, and once I looked back and my close friend looked at me like, who is this girl and why is she looking at me. I pretty much broke and started bawling. Then my mom told me to take Speed Boy home so I did. When we got home I didn't even change. I just sat by the door with a towl. Pretty soon I heard sirens and knew that they had come for my close friend. Then my mom texted me to change so I did and then I bundled in a blanket. I couldn't help but think that it was my fault, because I was the one who wanted to go play in the rain. Luckily now she's completely fine and she's on medicine and her mom doesn't blame us for anything. 

  Hurricanes. Well, I live in a place where a hurricane just hit. Luckily it wasn't that bad where I live but I know where other people live it got BAD! So I'm just glad that it wasn't that bad here. 

  Lime flavored sparkling water. Yum is all I have to say in this category. It tastes like sprite but it's WAY healthier so its like AMAZAAAAANNNNGGGGGG!!!!

  That's all I have to say for this post! Thank you for reading if you got this far!

   Bye Sincerely

    

Why I Haven't Been Posting Recently/ This Blog Was Formerly The Dani Jones Blog

 Hai guys! So you might've noticed that I haven't been posting recently, and there's a reason for that. So what happened was one day I took my laptop outside to play on it. Then Mom called me back inside for dinner and I thought I'd be right back out after. But then after dinner I had to do the dishes and Speed Boy and I got in a dance battle- it was extremely funny because Speed Boy is five and can break-dance like a freaken baller and then I just... can't- but so ANYWAY Speed Boy needed to go outside to do something but he said he couldn't because it had just rained. So I started FREAKING OUT and Speed Boy didn't quite know why, but it was because my laptop was still outside on the porch swing. So I ran outside to get it and luckily due to the angle of the covering only a corner of my laptop was wet and the laptop was closed. I rushed it into Mom and she was SUPER annoyed. My Mom TRIED to open it up but the screws were stripped so she couldn't. We ended up just opening it up and letting it dry for a couple days. Then I turned it on and it was all good! So tomorrow I have a plan for a blog post, and then it's back to the normal schedule! So yeah!
 ALSO not sure if anyone noticed but I changed the blog title to The Book Blog That's Not Actually A Book Blog so yeah!

Bye Sincerely

Eeek I'm Sorry!

 Guys! This was a COMPLETELY unscheduled blogging break! But it's because of something AWESOME! And then.... something really sad happened! BUTTTTTTTTTT I'll start with the good first!
  Ok it started when a couple weeks ago, my Mom told me that my Aunt, Meeble, T.O.P., her and I were all going out to dinner. I got exited. We all got in my Mom's car and started driving, we drove for about thirty minutes, then we stopped for dinner. We ate Bush's Chicken. Then we started driving again, when I asked where we were going my Mom said we were just going on a drive. After another thirty minutes I started suspecting we were going out of state, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to be wrong. So I didn't say anything. Another hour after that T.O.P. and Meeble started acting SUPER suspicious, whispering and texting people and all. They were tired of keeping that we were going on a trip secret. They started being VERY obvious and loud. Saying things like 'SO Dani, where do you think we're going?" And I tried to play it off like I didn't care. Then (and I learned this part afterwards) Meeble APPARENTLY texted my aunt to help them and my aunt texted back that she wouldn't UNLESS we all got off our phones. Now the seating chart went me, then T.O.P., then Meeble, and T.O.P. was reading over Meeble's shoulder. So T.O.P. turns to me and say's "HEY Dani, don't you think we should look out the window a little." I said why and she said because it's beautiful outside. That wasn't a lie either, we were driving through a particularly hilly spot. Suddenly my aunt turns to me and say's "Dani, where do you think we're going?" I say back "I dunno..." She say's "If you HAD to guess what would you guess?" "Out of -insert state you think I live in-?" I asked sheepishly. "Maybe, but where SPECIFICALLY do you think we're going?" I had to think about that, because I didn't know. Then I remembered how Mom kept saying the next place that we're gonna go is New Mexico. "New Mexico?" I ask. "I have something for you." my aunt said and she gave me a brown parcel. I opened the parcel and it was a black shirt with an alien on the front and the words 'Girls Trip 2017' in white on the back. (In case you don't know the alien head is for Roswell which is a city in New Mexico.)
  The first day we were there we went to Carlsbad Caverns, and let me just tell you, it was AMAZING!! I don't know why, but I LOVE caves. I'm pretty much the opposite of claustrophobic (unless that small dark place is filled with people I don't know, which makes me anthropophobic  not claustrophobic. (I did a little bit of research for that tidbit of info))
  The next day we went to Roswell (remember with the alien?). I must say I was a little bit let down. (THO IT WAS AMAZING STILL) Only the main street was alien-ified. BUT the street was totally alien-ified. We went to the UFO museum and a place where it's like a GIANT photo booth type thing with aliens and it's incredibly cool. Then, since my Mom and I had never seen a mountain we went to a mountain (and no, it wasn't just a big hill, it was a mountain). It was really cool to just barely see it on the horizon and slowly watch it get bigger.
  Now you're probably wondering what was the thing that was bad. Welllllll.......... Once we got back into -insert state you think I live in- I tried to set a password on my phone (because as you may know I'm going into middle school, and if someone get's a hold of my phone I don't want them to be able to get into it) but my phone is a piece of crap and once I set up a password it wouldn't freaking accept it! So my phone FACTORY RESET (if you don't know what the means, it basically means that it wiped my phone completely)!! I was so mad! It deleted ALL of my photos! It sucked... BUT whatever!
  Ok so I WILL start posting regularly again! I'm so sorry this took so long to get out! I will probably start doing the 31 day challenge every other day instead! So be on the lookout! Love you guys! Thanks for sticking with this crappy inconsistent blog! X'D

Bye Sincerely